CTA Stories

Good morning to all!

I am currently sitting on, what I to believe, is the shittiest 'L' car in the entire world. My friend Natalie and I take the red line from Loyola every Tuesday and Thursday for our two education classes downtown. I have decided to put together a smattering of anecdotes about our worst and hilarious experiences on the 'L' to date. I think I'll have Nat help me on this one.

1.Schizophrenia guy-So one morning, Nat and I get on the 'L' to go to class as always. It seems like a pretty normal day until a man, clearly insane, steps on at Belmont with a cigarette, fully lit and clambaking the passengers. As stated multiple times by the overhead voice of God on the 'L,' "smoking is prohibited on CTA vehicles" and its a huge taboo in public places in Chicago. Even well seasoned smokers know they must smoke 15 feet away from any establishment. So this guy gets on, and some brave yuppie has the nerve to please ask him to put out his cigarette. The cigarette smoker claims that he is schizophrenic and smokes to calm his nerves and refuses to put out his death stick. So all this drama goes down between this hipster and schizo guy for a good 3 stops until the hipster politely steps off. So then the schizo decides to start interviewing everyone on the train, literally having the most intense moment of word salad and delusions of grandeur. I think he even made animal noises at one point...

2. Brown line derailment- The one morning that Natalie decides to take the shuttle up early to write a paper, I bravely take the 'L' alone and in the pouring rain. The sky was literally taking a piss on me as I got onto the platform, seeking shelter under the awning. To my dismay, the 'L' god gets on the intercom and announces that no trains will be running southbound. So I'm panicked slightly, but know that I have many other options to get downtown, plus its still early so I shouldn't be late to class. I decide to hop on the 147, which is the Outer Drive Express that goes straight to Michigan and Peerson, right where the Water Tower Campus is. The bus pulls up with literally 200000 bodies in it because those who usually take the red line were taking this as a substitute. Because I have great crowd skills, I busted on. But for what price? I was squished up against this Asian who refused to get off and was pushing me left and right, a hipster telling his friend on the phone how packed the 147 was, and I realized that I had spilled my coffee on a poor little polish woman. So long story short: it was raining, miserable and I had no personal space for a good 45 minutes. I got to class right on time though!

3. "The Cape"- The next few stories have nothing to do with the morning commute, but they are tales of humor I have experienced on the 'L.' So one Friday night, my friend Allie, Natalie and I decided to go see "No Strings Attached" downtown at the Streeterville AMC by Navy Pier. The movie was fabulous, we got great chinese food before hand at Bamboo Garden, and then got on the 'L' at Grand. We decided to walk a little further down so that the train we got on would be the closest to the stairs at Loyola, and we walked upon quite possibly the most colorful character I have ever befallen on the CTA. Clearly drunk and gay, he started to talk to us girls. Our first instinct was, damn this dude is a total creeper let's run, but he ended up being completely harmless. He had been at a party at a bar downtown and was meeting up with some friends in Wrigleyville to finish up his night out. He told us about all the whiskey he had consumed and how fucked up he was, but this was already evident through his actions and breath. So we all get on the car together, and he blabbers on to us the entire ride back. He decides to refer to himself as "The Cape" after the recently aired TV show on NBC about a superhero. The man continues to share the adventures of his night, entertaining the crap out of us, I was literally crying I was laughing so hard. He then exited at Addison, never to be seen again.

A collection of vintage fare-cards


There are way more, but I figured I wouldn't spoil all the fun too early.

until another time...
akp

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